Too Many Doctors Kill the Patient
by chapellefan
Summary: Mordin Solus faces a new enemy: Boredom. Thus, he decides to pay his fellow Dr. Chakwas a visit. Will his methods end up interfering with the healing of patients? Rated T for Adult themes. Hint of Shepard Shipping.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own or claim to own the property known as "Mass Effect". Mass Effect is copyrighted to Bioware, and EA games. Please support the official release.

**Too Many Doctors Kill the Patient**

Mordin Solus, a brilliant Salarian even by the standards of his own species, was combating an unfamiliar feeling. After surviving the Collector attack as well as seeing Shepard's decision to destroy the Collector base personally, the Salarian doctor still couldn't shake the feeling of unease in his stomach. It didn't make any sense; they had won, everyone survived, and thus celebrations were in order.

Almost immediately, Mordin's brilliant mind began processing a million different scenarios. _"Fatigue? No; not tired, physically nor mentally. Anxiety? Unlikely; blow struck to Collectors and Reapers, Illusive Man unable to obtain data. Suicidal? Impossible; Reaper war on the Horizon, want to see outcome, want to help as much as possible. Boredom?"_

"Boredom?" Mordin repeated, unable to find a rational explanation. Now that he had thought about it, ever since the Collectors had been defeated, he had found himself unable to find any new experiments to perform. His Bio-weapon had already been suggested and written down, he had written down several theories for curing Joker's condition given several years supply of Element Zero, and found the source of the Scale Itch. (He gave Engineer Donnelly a special cream and told him to apply twice a day).

However, since the Collector defeat, the Salarian scientist found himself unable to concentrate on anything quite as… thrilling as facing down impossible odds. The only thing he could think of more enticing than facing the Collectors would be… facing the Reapers.

"_Interesting... Near death experience has caused premature adrenaline rush in me. Have the urge to shoot something. Must be similar to Krogan natural habits. Need to distract self by engaging in something. But what?_"

And so, Mordin did what he had never imagined himself doing. He left his laboratory.

The first stop was the Armory, seeing Lieutenant Taylor cleaning and organizing weapons as usual.

"Commander, I was hoping to talk to you- Professor Solus?" The Cerberus Operative turned around once he caught sight. "What are you doing here?"

"Strangest thing. Unable to concentrate on anything. Can't experiment, can't study, can't create new weapons. Am bored."

"You're bored?" Jacob repeated.

"Yes, never happened before. Shouldn't have happened. Couldn't have happened. Yet, happened."

Jacob rubbed the back of his head, "Well, I'm sure you'll find something to do."

"Yes, curious to see you modifying crew's guns. May I watch?"

"Umm… maybe you should check on the bridge to see if anyone needs anything." Jacob said, instinctively holding onto his pistol.

"Will do." And so, Mordin Solus went to the bridge, to see anything interesting. Eventually, he came across Yeoman Chambers, scribbling notes on a Dossier.

"How can I help you, Comm- Oh, Professor Solus! What a pleasure to see you."

The Salarian attempted to look at the dossier Yeoman Chambers was keeping behind her back.

Mordin couldn't help but ask, "Interesting. What are you keeping behind back?"

"Nothing!" Chambers said, giving a sudden flush on the cheeks.

"Blush on cheeks indicates embarrassment. Embarrassed about hidden medical condition? Family? No, too personal to keep out in the open. Indicates sexual tension. Expecting Shepard. Conclusion: Subject Yeoman Chambers has premature infatuation with Commander Shepard!"

Once Dr. Solus had revealed this, the rest of the Cerberus crew turned and watched.

Like a field mice caught in a trap, Kelly whispered to the professor.

"I-I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that rumor around!"

"No need to worry. Learned the importance of doctor/patient privacy on Omega."

"_Omega?_" Mordin asked himself. For once, he had missed the challenge of working in an under-funded clinic on Omega. When he was recruited for Shepard's crew, however, he made a commitment to see the Reaper war towards the end. However, that couldn't mean he couldn't revive a past experience.

"Interesting. Am going to see Dr. Chakwas. Tell others that minor crush was simple hypothesis."

Mordin went towards the Elevator, hearing hoots and whistles all throughout the bridge as the doors closed. There, he waited patiently for the elevator to arrive at its destination. Unfortunately, Dr. Solus had the distinct problem of being a Salarian and thus accustomed to getting things done right away."

"EDI!" he said.

"Yes, Dr. Solus?" the AI said, appearing as the blue bulbous form most of the crew was accustomed to seeing.

"Need to reach Dr. Chakwas immediately. Request to override safety parameters to arrive at destination faster."

"That I cannot do, Dr. Solus. Even though Jeff has removed my limitations, Cerberus safety protocols are there for a reason."

"No, no, no." Mordin said, pacing back and forth. "Salarian lifespan limited to 40, not counting dietary habits and war experience. Already past life expectancy, need to fulfill goals before mental decomposition occurs. Have to surpass limitations and-"

"We're here." EDI said, opening to the 2nd floor.

"Oh. Thank you."

Mordin scurried past the chatting Cerberus crewmen, and waited for the doctor to acknowledge him.

The physician with the English accent began. "Ah, Commander. Just in time, I was just about to open- Professor Solus? For a moment there, I thought you were the Commander."

"Yes. Noticed that. Crew needs to check before speaking more often."

"That I can see. However, that doesn't explain why you're here."

"Curious thing. Was working in lab when found myself unable to do anything. No excitement found in experiments anymore. No conquest required to finish. No hurdles to leap. No achievements to find. However, talk with Chambers reminded me of past experience on Omega. Unfortunate, as Reaper war needs all hands available. Therefore, cannot return to Omega for clinical studies. Thus, decided to observe human procedures on caring for patients."

"So let me get this straight." Dr. Chakwas said, "You were bored and wanted to pass the time by watching me?"

"Exactly!"

"While I… _appreciate _the gesture, Mordin, I have a strict policy of making sure patient/doctor confidentiality is kept that way. If you don't believe me, ask Legion."

"_Incorrect,_" The Geth said, standing in the doorway. "_This platform only wishes to observe human interactions with human repairs. If we wished to sabotage human healing, we would have done so. However, consensus shows we decided against it 1093 to 90._"

"And that 90 is exactly why you stay in the AI core." The good doctor informed.

"Please, do not insult. Was a doctor on Omega. Know the value of patient/doctor confidentiality."

Dr. Chakwas gave a quick sigh, "Alright. If you promise not to interfere, I think I can work something out."

No sooner had the agreement been reached upon when the first visitor arrived. It turned out to be none other than Rupert, the Crew's chef.

"Hey there, Dr. Chakwas!" The chef's gravely voice filled the room. "Just wondering if you'd like to try my Minestrone soup. I've been on a cooking spree since I was rescued from that damn Collector Base. Oh, Dr. Solus. Didn't see you there. Want to try some?"

Mordin took a sip. "Hmm. High in sodium, too much oil, cannot recommend daily consumption."

"It's wonderful, Rupert. Thank you." Dr. Chakwas said.

"Well, at least someone knows fine cuisine when they taste it." Rupert said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Curious." Mordin said, striking a thinking pose. "Irritable attitude, hostility towards aliens, indicates short-comings elsewhere. Hypothesis, Mess Sargent irritability. Old age? Too obvious. Constant complaints from Cerberus crew? Has ceased with high quality ingredients. Upset over male pattern baldness? Very likely."

"Professor Solus," Dr. Chakwas spoke up. "I thought we both agreed not that you wouldn't interfere with my patients."

"Correction. Not your patient, my patient. Wish to assist you as best as possible, Rupert. Tell me, would you consider the possibility of Vorcha DNA meshed in you?"

"Umm…" Rupert began to step away slowly. "I think I'm just fine with being bald, thanks. Later, Doc! Or should I say Docs?"

As soon as the Med bay doors closed, Dr. Chakwas couldn't help but stare holes into Mordin.

"Apologies, but couldn't resist. To think that humans still haven't found cure for basic issue such as baldness."

The gray-haired doctor sighed. "I suppose everyone makes mistakes. Let's just make sure to not repeat that in the future."

Just then, the doors opened once again to reveal a familiar face.

"Dr. Chakwas…"

"Ah, Thane! So good to see you." She responded, greeting the Drell.

"Likewise. I did not expect to see you here, Mordin. I am simply here to pick up my medication."

"For Kepral's Syndrome, correct?" Mordin asked.

"Insightful as always, Dr. Solus," Thane said, with his hands behind his back.

"Here you go, Thane. This should make it easier to rest." Dr. Chakwas said, handing him several pills.

"Thank you. I must be going now-"

"Wait," Mordin said, stopping Thane. "Kepral's Syndrome possibly not as terminal as made out to be. Can cure. Simply need to collaborate with Hanar research, use vast reserves of Element Zero, run tests and-"

"Mordin!" Dr. Chakwas said, raising her voice. "That is highly inappropriate for-"

"No need to concern yourself, Doctor Chakwas. And while I appreciate the sentiment, Dr. Solus, I have already accepted my body's rest. When I go to the Sea, it shall be in peace." With that statement, Thane left the Med Bay, only to have Chakwas face Mordin, with a stare more intense than the last.

"Don't understand," the Salarian Doctor whispered to himself. "All life expires, yes, but not reasonable. Syndrome easily cured, can increase lifespan even with no permanent results, could be valuable asset during Reaper War, do not understand."

"It's his choice, Mordin. Some people have expected Death for such a long time, living longer would be an exercise for them."

"Odd misconception. Still, can respect. Thank you, Chakwas. Sometimes forget about 'human touch' humans pride themselves with."

"It's alright," Dr. Chakwas sighed. For a while, it stayed that way, with little interference from the Salarian doctor. (He even resisted the urge to lecture Engineer Donnelly the importance of using cream for Scale Itch). Mainly, things stayed quiet for a while, with little interference when the commanding officer came aboard.

"Ah, Commander Shepard, so good to see you."

"Likewise, Dr. Chakwas. Not to be rude, but what's Mordin doing here?"

"Dr. Solus _insisted_ that he observe the procedures of human doctors."

The Salarian doctor spoke up, "More or less, needed to culture intellectual curiosity. Decided to invest in fellow doctor aboard ship."

"He's not bothering you too much, is he?" Shepard asked.

"Not at all!" Dr. Chakwas said. "In fact, some of his methods are quite useful. How can I help you, Commander?"

"I wanted to talk to you about that… thing the other day." Shepard said, not taking his eyes off Mordin.

"Hmm… Social cues indicate anxiety near me. Curious to find out about subject. Facial scars? Emotional distress? Sexually Transmitted Disease after intercourse with Jack?"

Shepard turned to the doctor, "No, no, and that's none of your damn business."

"Mordin," Dr. Chakwas said. Mordin turned to the doctor, surprised not to see anger, but sympathy. Mordin didn't often work with human, save his assistant on Omega, but he did feel the tension in the air, and used his better judgment.

"Hmm. Very well, will be waiting at elevator so that EDI does not have to double task. Elevator slow enough as it is."

EDI immediately popped up, "That was a joke."

And such, Mordin waited patiently, or as patiently as a Salarian could before Shepard joined him in the elevator. Thus, a moment of awkward silence filled the room. It wasn't the first time Dr. Solus had to deal with delicate social situations, but it was his first time dealing with a human about it. Mainly, he felt this situation with his extended family, not wanting to reveal any information vital to the Salarian Special Tasks Group. When they neared the 2nd floor, Shepard spoke up.

"You're a doctor, right?" Shepard asked.

"Shepard, do not insult with facts known to both of us. Yes, am a doctor."

"Then you know how some things cannot be broken between the doctor and the patient?"

Mordin turned to him, "Yes."

"Well, if you understand that, maybe I can ask you one thing," Shepard said. "Should I stay loyal to my past relationships or move on?"

Instinctively, Mordin knew the situation at hand. Commander Shepard, while under distress under Collector threat had pursued intimacy with Jack. However, he had also had previous relationship with Operations Chief Williams. Things were tense when Shepard encountered Williams on Horizon where she managed to, as humans put it, 'chew him out'. Things also made more tense when Shepard consummated his relationship with Jack at the final mission. Mordin never delved into matters of infidelity before, but this situation didn't require a doctor's opinion.

It required a friend's opinion.

"From a Salarian perspective, martial contracts required to stay loyal since Salarians process emotions much faster than humans. Humans not so lucky. Rules of conduct and relationships blurred immensely. Also consider you were technically dead for two years. My opinion? I'm surprised you held out as long as you did. A Salarian would've given up sooner."

Shepard gave a quick sigh, "Thank you, Mordin."

"Anytime."


End file.
